Day 6

I suppose it’s been long enough for the days to be rolling together. It now seems extra hard for me is to step away from not being the primary caregiver of my toddler. I don’t think this is as much of a problem for him as it is for me; it hurts my heart.

Today I’m trying to move myself from the room to lie down. I’ve never been much of a napper; this hasn’t changed since my brain surgery. I tried to lie quietly. I tried to rest my eyes. I tried to let my family take care of things that they say they can do.

My physical limitations are more severe than I thought about pre-op. Holding a pot of water is too heavy; not bending over is challenging too. I bend over all the time I’m trying to do squats, but I’m not really in shape, so it's hard, and I’m getting fatigued by trying to do too much.

I tried to help my son sit on my lap, but often this requires a lift and requires me asking for help for him to sit on my lap. I feel like this is a little bit of a bother to have my family stop whenever they’re doing so he can sit on my lap and read a book.

My son has really struggled with sleep; sometimes he won’t do a nap at all. We will take hours to go to bed. We really need to reconsider and change up our nighttime routine. It’s so hard for me to hear him cry.

Physically, my head doesn’t feel too bad. I’m not getting headaches. Unless I’m physically doing too much. I immediately feel pressure in my head. If I’m bending over, that’s a little bit scary.

The eye pressure is gone. This helps a lot but the vision isn't clear yet. I’m still taking Tylenol just to be safe.

I’m still feeling quite nauseous. I feel like I’m getting motion sickness. I’m on anti-nausea medications and a patch to help with this. Sometimes it’s not enough.

My inability to walk straight is still present. It feels like there’s an invisible line pulling me mostly to my right side, occasionally to the left. I’m still having spatial lack of coordination when I reach for something. I could be a few inches off. I can no longer pour things in a cup without spilling; when I reach to grab other things, I miss it completely.

I do feel some comfort that the MRI was stable yesterday and symptoms will hopefully go away.

I wonder how this is impacting my ability to draw; I'm sure it is. I thought maybe it would make things more interesting; instead, I feel like my drawings are a little less mature than I would like.

Today I’m trying to do self-care; today I’m trying to rest, today. I’m trying to reassure myself that my toddler loves me and he’s going to be ok.

I did sketch a little.